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Jokes PageAn 85-year-old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor's office with an empty jar. "What happened?" said the doc. "Well," the old man starts,"I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left-nothing. Then she tried her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called in Arlene, the lady next door but still nothing." The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?!" "Yep. No matter what we tried, we couldn't get that damn jar open!" Hare One Minute... A genie sees a bear chasing a rabbit and calls out to the bear,"If you stop chasing that little rabbit, I'll grant you each two wishes." The Bear agrees and says,"OK, I want to have the biggest penis any bear ever had." The genie nods his head , and it is done. The rabbit says to the genie,"I would like a motorcycle." The genie shrugs and grants the rabbit his wish. The bear then says,"I want all the bears in the world to be female except me." His wish is granted. The genie then turns to the rabbit and asks him what he would like his final wish to be. The rabbit gets on his bike, revs it up, and says,"I wish that bear were gay," and peels out. The Woman and the Parrot A woman was on a boat cruise. She decided to rest in the sun on the top deck. There she met a parrot who kept asking her one question:"How's your butt?". The first few times the bird said this, the woman just ignored him and looked in the other direction. The parrot asked the question one more time, and finally, the woman turned to the parrot and said "Shut UP!". The parrot responded by saying, "Mine too, must be the cheese here." Closer To God A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?" And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off." The Doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?" And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!" |